Mom Guilt: The First WTF Moment in Motherhood

Mom guilt. Woof. In those early weeks, it was almost debilitating. When I look back at photos from that season, I actually feel mom guilt about the mom guilt I was carrying. Truly, WTF. It’s wild how quickly your mind can swing from overstimulated to completely checked out. You start moving through the motions like you’re watching your own life from the outside.

I am not trying to sound dramatic. I am speaking to my experience, but so many moms I talk to share the same story. And yet, we still don’t talk about it. It almost feels like a strange rite of passage. Like a hazing no one warns you about.

With my first baby, I was blindsided by motherhood. I chalked it up to being a new mom. I thought the second time around would be easier. Then I had my twins and I remember thinking wait a second why didnt anyone tell me it could feel like this. It was survival mode. I had three under three and at times it felt like my only goal was to make it to bedtime without completely losing my shit. I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was a very real emotional rollercoaster.

I have incredibly sweet memories from those early days and I would not change my boys for anything. But I also remember how frustrated and overwhelmed I felt. It was supposed to be easier the second time around. It wasn’t. It was harder.

Mom guilt is tangled up with so many other things. Postpartum depression. Postpartum rage. Exhaustion. Identity shifts. Hormones that feel like they have their own personality. It all blends together.

Mom guilt is not a personal flaw. It is a documented psychological and cultural phenomenon. And we see this in actual clinical research.

1. Mom guilt is global and cross cultural.

A 2020 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that maternal guilt shows up in every culture they measured. It is linked to high expectations, pressure for “perfect” mothering, and social comparisons that start the moment the baby arrives.

2. Sleep deprivation and cognitive overload increase feelings of guilt.

Neuroscience research shows that fragmented sleep directly affects emotional regulation, decision making, and stress hormones. When you are exhausted, you are more likely to interpret normal challenges as personal failure.

3. Postpartum hormonal shifts amplify guilt and self blame.

Studies on postpartum estrogen and progesterone drops show that rapid hormonal changes heighten emotional sensitivity, intrusive thoughts, and increased vulnerability to guilt even when you are doing everything right.

4. Working moms, stay at home moms, and middle ground moms all experience guilt.

Research from Ohio State University showed that mom guilt does not discriminate. The source changes depending on your situation, but the emotional pattern is the same.

What I Know Now

Mom guilt is not you doing anything wrong. It is a perfectly normal response to a completely overwhelming time that no one can fully prepare you for.

I think when we are in it, we forget that this is a shared experience. The good days and the bad days can both feel isolating, especially at 3 AM when the whole world is asleep and you are sitting there thinking I am trying my best but I am having such a hard time. That feeling of not doing enough is where the guilt lives.

Of course I wish I enjoyed it more while I was in it. But sometimes you have to be on the other side to understand that it was okay to struggle. It was okay to feel too much. It was okay that you did not love every second.

And if you are reading this and you are not a mom yet, or motherhood is not part of your life at all, I promise there is still a place for you here. Mom guilt is its own thing, but the feeling of not doing anything right or the heaviness of a dark season is universal. Every woman has had a moment where she questioned herself, her worth, or whether she is getting anything right. You have been there in your own way too.

This is the heart of what I am building here. Wellness for women in all seasons. Motherhood, yes. But also the woman who is still becoming. The woman rebuilding herself. The woman figuring it out. The woman who needs a moment of honesty and a reminder that she is not alone.

This is for all of us.